I'm Commander Now
by Sir Dolan Death-with-Benefits
Summary: *SPOILERS* (If you haven't read Chapter 57 of the manga, or you're not even reading the manga and you want nothing spoiled. I wouldn't read this.) Erwin hands his rank as Commander down to a squad leader, but which one? The violent little man or the deviant, four-eyed brunette?


**Summary:** Erwin hands his rank as Commander down to a squad leader, but which one? The violent little man or the deviant, four-eyed brunette?

**Warning:** **SPOILERS! **I'm not joking, if you haven't read Chapter 57 of SnK Manga and you're _still_ intent on reading this, don't rage at me for spoiling stuff. Anyway…other warnings! CRACK, Levi's violence and language.

**Disclaimer:** All characters in Shingeki no Kyojin belong to Isayama Hajime.

**Author's Note:** Don't take anything seriously in this fanfiction. Even _I'm_ not taking anything seriously in it. This was just written for fun in all honesty. I also realised I've been writing a lot of serious stuff, so it was about time I wrote something light-hearted.

I'm a little nervous with this because it's a big step writing for a relatively small community and then writing for a community that's as huge as the SnK one is. Anyway, enjoy! xD

* * *

It was early morning at the Scouting Legion's HQ. Eren had just served Levi's morning tea and was waiting for new orders when his corporal's door slammed open. He heard Levi growl as the deviant, Hanji Zoe, barged her way into his office. Her glasses were steamed up, her face was dramatically flushed and she was breathing rather heavily. As Eren saluted to her with this fist against his heart he wondered if the squad leader had taken anything.

"Levi, Levi, Levi!" she squealed excitedly.

Said man sneered. "What do you want, shitty-glasses?"

"You'll never guess what Erwin has done!"

"Grown his arm back?"

Quietly in the corner Eren choked out as he tried to contain his laugh. He raised his arm over his mouth, trying to contain his, er, giggles when both Levi and Hanji looked over at him. There was a brief moment of mirth in the shorter man's eyes before he narrowed them at the brunette.

"What the fuck has Shitwin done, then?" he demanded.

"You have to guess."

"No."

"Leviiiiii~"

"If you're not going to tell me, then get out of my office. I have work to do."

"Fine," Hanji pouted in defeat before grinning manically, "I'm gonna be the next commander."

The office went silent. An ominous chill ran down both Levi and Eren's spines as they froze in their positions, staring at Hanji as if she was a Titan. Said squad leader blinked and glanced at both of them expectantly, almost as if she was waiting for a 'Congratulations! I'll be glad to have you as commander!' Hell, she probably _was_ thinking that.

"Um, H-Hanji-san, you're…joking, right?" Eren asked tentatively.

"Why would I be joking?" she frowned.

"_Because_, fat-ass, you being commander of the Scouting Legion is a disaster waiting to happen." Levi stated bluntly before sipping his tea.

"What do you mean? I'd be a good commander!"

"This coming from the idiot who always acts like she wants to bang Titans."

"This coming from the guy who always likes to kick the shit out of his subordinates."

"I thought that one time was necessary." Eren interrupted.

Both squad leaders completely ignored the Titan Shifter and continued to bicker.

"How about you take a shower for once? You almost match your Titans' level of filth." Levi snapped back.

"Ha! At least I don't freak out when someone misplaces my mop!" Hanji laughed. "That's a point, how many dicks have you rearranged today?"

"Probably the same amount of Titans you've freaked out over. At least I maintain a standard of cleanliness. Even _Eren_ is cleaner than _you_!"

"H-hey, I take offence to that!" the teen exclaimed.

"At least I don't disinfect my hand when I shake the hands with the Bitch Brigade."

"No. It's those pigs who have to disinfect _their_ fucking paws when they shake hands with you."

Hanji suddenly gasped. "I know why you're acting like this! You're _jealous_!"

Levi growled at the brunette. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You're jealous because Erwin didn't pick you as his favourite!"

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Only a _child_ would care about something so fucking stupid."

"Erwin made me commander because I'm his favourite out of the two of us!" she announced proudly before grinning slyly. "Either that or he thought you were too short to do the job."

The office went silent for a second time that morning. This time the silence was charged with tension and murdering intent. Eren slowly edged his way out of the room in fear of Levi's murderous aura being aimed at him.

On that day humanity received grim reminder to never make fun of Levi's height.

Especially Hanji who was lying on a medical bed crippled in pain.

* * *

Huehuehue…

I have to admit; writing these two is so much fun. Despite this fanfiction, I do believe Hanji will make a good commander. She can be extremely serious at times, and this has started to show a LOT in the last few chapters of the manga.

Anyway, I'll be happy to read any reviews you guys leave me. c: I swear to Arceus, if I get any reviews that rage at me for spoiling the anime/manga/both for them… I _did_ warn you.

Dolan


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